Wendy El Khoury on Faith, Community and Giving Back

About the Guest

Wendy El Khoury is the founder of Wedded Wonderland, a leading wedding platform known for celebrating cultural and cross-cultural weddings. She began her career as a project manager at Commonwealth Bank before moving into the wedding industry, where her family’s involvement in a wedding venue helped shape her path. Today, she is recognized as an entrepreneur, strategist, educator, and philanthropist.

Key Takeaways:

• Wendy El Khoury's entrepreneurial journey demonstrates the power of cultural identity and community engagement in achieving professional success.
• Her platform, Wedded Wonderland, emphasises global cultural weddings and fosters diverse community connections.
• Personal stories from Wendy highlight the impact of cultural heritage and family values on her philanthropic endeavors.
• The episode reflects on the significance of volunteering and community involvement in enhancing personal and professional fulfillment.
• Wendy shares practical advice on maintaining a balanced approach in giving back while prioritising personal well-being and family.

Notable Quotes:

• "You have to uplift others and anything, and that's why Wedded Wonderland is so successful as well."
• "Being a leader is really important. Using our platform is really important. And then giving back to community, like that's what it's all about."
• "We live in a safe country. We afforded education. We have a hospital that if you go that to hospital, you're okay."
• "If you've lost your way, and we've all been there, remember, you always have a community here to support you."
• "I have an abundance mentality."

Resources:

• Wedded Wonderland Website

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Transcript

0:00:00 - (Wendy El Khoury): We don't have to do everything for money. I believe that we have to do things that actually give us purpose. And the more successful we are, the more we need to lean into how we can give back. Otherwise, we can get lost into a vortex of more is more and what's actually enough. And where's the finish line in all of this? Like, what's the goal? We can only live in one house at a time. Foreign.

0:00:31 - (Debbie Draybi): Welcome to Finding Sanctuary. Our shared conversations into how we think and feel and how we find peace and comfort in daily life. We get together with experts to chat about all things mental health, getting insights and understanding on the struggles of life. Welcome back to another episode of Finding Sanctuary. And I've got Nat next to me again, which is great. Nice to have you here again, Nat, as always. And we have a very special guest today, Wendy Elcurey. And as I say that name, I'm sure most of you already know who she is. She definitely needs no introduction, and that's no exaggeration. But for those who don't know Wendy, she's the founder of Wedded Wonderland, which is an incredible organization, and we're going to talk more about that.

0:01:15 - (Debbie Draybi): And also, Wendy's done a lot of work engaging communities, particularly disadvantaged communities. And those of you that know her, she's well known for her philanthropy as well and commitment to helping those less fortunate. So welcome Wendy. Wendy, we're very excited to have you on the show.

0:01:31 - (Wendy El Khoury): Thank you so much for having me. I think what you guys do is so important for our community, and watching your content online has really validated a lot of thoughts of mine. And I just want to say that with gratitude. Thank you for your time.

0:01:45 - (Debbie Draybi): Oh, thank you, Wendy. That really means a lot to us. We had very humble beginnings, and as we know, you did as well. So we really want to talk to you about your journey. Obviously, people that know, you know, your incredible successes and what you've built. I wondered if you'd just get us started with what led you down this path. Path into the wedding industry. Because it's not your first.

0:02:04 - (Wendy El Khoury): No. First career, is it? Not at all, no. So I actually am a trained teacher. I studied secondary education, and I can teach history, religion, economics, and business. And when I finished university, I looked like I was about 13 years old, so I.

0:02:22 - (Debbie Draybi): You still do.

0:02:24 - (Wendy El Khoury): I didn't feel like I walked out. I remember doing my prac and I walked into a classroom and I was like, oh, my goodness, these guys look older than me. And I'd finished uni early, and I Was a little bit unwell as well with university. So I thought, I need to be wise to be a teacher. I need to know things, right? I thought, let me go work for a little bit in the corporate world and see where I can go and maybe apply some of the disciplines in business and economics that I'd learned. And I wound up with a job at the Commonwealth Bank. For five years, I was a project manager there. Then my family bought a wedding venue in western Sydney just around the corner from here.

0:02:56 - (Wendy El Khoury): And we had no idea. We're not a hospitality family. So he said, I need you. I need you to come and work in the venue. And at that time, I was like, well, okay, if my family needs me, that's where I'm going. So I started working in the venue and very quickly realized that we were part of people's most momentous moments in their lives. And those milestones, whether it was a christening, whether it was a wedding, whether it was a 21st birthday.

0:03:23 - (Wendy El Khoury): My first event was a 21st Tongan birthday, where 400 people from the community actually come together. We had Mormon weddings. We had couples from Sri Lanka that were setting up mandaps and watching fire ceremonies. And it really opened up my eyes to the world. And that's why I say I can travel the world, because I worked in western Sydney, because this is a melting pot. And while so many people, you know, talk about culture and, oh, well, that person, you know, they can't really speak English. I'm like, well, they probably speak three other languages.

0:03:51 - (Wendy El Khoury): I experienced that firsthand. We had staff who actually, one of our staff members was on Christmas island, who was from Afghanistan, who had no mother and no father. Can you imagine having somebody like that who'd lived on Christmas island for three years and then came over and we were able to afford him a job. So we were really a family unit in that venue. And I learned very quickly that we needed to market ourselves.

0:04:14 - (Wendy El Khoury): So I started a Facebook page. And then within, like, three months, we had the largest following of any venue in Australia. And then I thought, okay, I probably know a thing or two about this, and started hosting expos and doing all sorts of things. We had a lot of community, a lot of churches come to us to host events, which was really wonderful as well. To be able to give back and open up our space for that, which I think is so important.

0:04:35 - (Wendy El Khoury): You know, if you have a restaurant, if you have any kind of venue, being able to open that up to community is really, really valuable. And being able to lend that skillset as well. So I learned that through that process and then I realized that so many couples had really no idea what they were doing. They didn't really know how much a wedding even costs, who they should be turning to, where they should be investing their money, all of those types of things. And, you know, weddings in our community are big, they're costly, they're very time consuming. There's a lot of opinions.

0:05:09 - (Wendy El Khoury): Subsequently launched Wedded Wonderland as a platform to connect businesses to couples and vice versa. Wanting to be that platform where couples could come, ask the questions, be inspired, find what they need all around the world. It was global from day one because we were sharing cultural weddings that no other platform in this country was even recognizing. And so that really opened up Pandora's box for me to celebrate that online launch, Wedded Wonderland and of course from a very small community now to 4 million followers globally. It's. It's insane.

0:05:44 - (Debbie Draybi): Yeah, it sounds incredible. What a journey. And what I'm hearing is your passion for bringing people together and really being that connector, but also to embrace the diversity and the richness of cultures that you're working with. I think that's incredible.

0:05:58 - (Wendy El Khoury): Thank you.

0:05:59 - (Debbie Draybi): So do you want to tell us a little bit more about. I know we had in the pre meeting a beautiful conversation about your passion to helping the disadvantaged and less fortunate and really engaging in that philanthropy work. What led you to that? From an exotic industry like the wedding industry into one where it's obviously less.

0:06:17 - (Wendy El Khoury): Yes.

0:06:18 - (Natalie Moujalli): Glamorous.

0:06:19 - (Debbie Draybi): Less glamorous.

0:06:20 - (Wendy El Khoury): Look, we hosted a number of events for our community, like I said, and charity and being able to give back was always very important for us. But I went to a Mary McKillip school and Mary McKillop saying is never see a need without doing something about it. So that's always like there. And I think over time, with the platform that I've built, it's really important that whenever there is a need that I do something about it and provide the opportunity, whether it is through us orchestrating events like we have done when the Beirut blast took place. And it was Covid during that time, I think we raised $150,000 online.

0:06:58 - (Wendy El Khoury): I pulled together all of the Lebanese influences in the country to really promote this cause in actually just raising funds when the bushfires took place. And I grew up in the Shire, so that's very close to me. Our neighbours lost their homes. We had seven homes lost around us during Black Friday. So it's very important for me when those things happen. I've actually been there. We were evacuated many times.

0:07:22 - (Wendy El Khoury): So there were things where I was reaching out to furniture companies that we work with and saying, do you have mattresses that we can actually send up? At the time, my father actually owned a monastery, which he subsequently worked with the Maronite Church and ended up handing over. But we were sending mattresses up to the monastery. So the firefighters who were driving from Sydney had somewhere to sleep. In between, we were also sending water, food, all of those kinds of things.

0:07:48 - (Wendy El Khoury): We organized a event. Within four days, I called upon the bearded bakers, our dear friends Amir and Joey, and I said, we need to do something. And they said, just tell me what. And so four days later, we had a event in a parking lot with 5,000 people show up with 20 food trucks all giving. We had Navarro venues, even piping like cannoli for us. We had, you know, just DJs showing up, celebrities showing up, wanting to give back. And I think at that time, we raised $110,000 for the red Cross.

0:08:17 - (Wendy El Khoury): When I worked at the Commonwealth Bank, I mentioned this the other day. The executive general manager that I was working under said, I want to do some team building, and we have a budget for team building. And I was like, cool, why don't we go? And I had done some previous work in teaching with the cerebral palsy. Australian. I said, why don't we go and actually restore one of the homes? Because a lot of the homes that people with cerebral palsy live in have holes in the walls because of the wheelchairs, and they're not actually equipped.

0:08:45 - (Wendy El Khoury): For example, like the garden. We built a garden bed because the garden bed wasn't at the right height. So it's all well and good to have a garden, but if people in a wheelchair can't reach that, what is the point? So there were all of these things that we considered in revamping that. And I said, okay, well, you need to call all your friends in. Let's actually run an auction, ask them what they can give us. And we ended up raising, I think it was $100,000 or something during this auction to be able to then go and restore this home. So I think for me, it's like when somebody says, there's an orphanage that's called me and they need help in Lebanon. And Jad, who had recently launched MISC in Parramatta, had said, you know, if you've got an event, if you've got something.

0:09:23 - (Wendy El Khoury): So I thought, okay, well, we're not in Covid anymore. Let's organise a Sapir. I love the Lebanese Sapir. Let's play fatals. Let's have the zaatar out on the tables. And we raised $25,000 for the orphanage. And I said, I was very specific, I said to George, every single child needs to have a mattress replaced, needs to have a new backpack, needs to have new clothing. Because the children in that orph, unfortunately, are over the age of five. So they're between the ages of five and 16.

0:09:49 - (Wendy El Khoury): They know they're not with their parents and they have parents. Majority of them actually are sent there because the parents can't afford to take care of them. You know, can you imagine being in this position? And then we had someone from our village go over and they made a plaque and our priests went over and received it, and it was so sweet. And they were sending me all these photos and I just thought to myself, you know, on one hand, this opportunity where, you know, a friend just opened up a restaurant and, you know, he gave us a really great rate and that's it. You just have to.

0:10:17 - (Wendy El Khoury): We, as Lebanese people, barterers, we are once upon a time, many of us are Phoenician. So our art is being able to negotiate with people and make things happen across the seas, across the land. That is our skill set. So how do we do that through business? How do we do that through life? And listen to the people around me and say, right, if I want to do something, I need you all on board. But this is why. This is why you need to be on board. Because if you don't give people a purpose, it falls on deaf ears. Right.

0:10:49 - (Wendy El Khoury): So being a leader is really important. Using our platform is really important. And then giving back to community, like, that's what it's all about, whether it's here or overseas.

0:10:58 - (Natalie Moujalli): Yeah. I think I'm hearing, you know, you're a leader, you're a connector, you're a supporter. And wherever you put your hands in, it's like the loaves and the fishes. It just multiplies, Right?

0:11:08 - (Wendy El Khoury): Yes.

0:11:09 - (Natalie Moujalli): Which is so beautiful. You do such an incredible job. You said something earlier about seeing a need and having to do something about it. Where does that come from for you? Because not everyone sees a need and has to do something about it. So where does that come from for you?

0:11:24 - (Debbie Draybi): Some people see and need and walk away.

0:11:26 - (Wendy El Khoury): Yeah. I think if you were to meet my parents, I'm going to get emotional now, but if you were to meet my parents, you'd understand.

0:11:33 - (Debbie Draybi): Yeah.

0:11:33 - (Wendy El Khoury): That's beautiful. Yeah, look, I think my mum. Have you heard of the monastery in Syria? It's called Maalula. There was a period when Syria was under, you know, this horrific regime. And I don't know if you heard that story. There were nuns that were kidnapped from Maalula. And these. Maalula is on the top of a mountain. It's a very well known monastery. There's many Muslim people that live in the region, many Christian people. Everyone protects this monastery.

0:11:58 - (Wendy El Khoury): And my mum heard about these nuns and she had a dream and she's like, right, who do they think they are, kidnapping our nuns? This is crazy. So she went and we don't have many Syrians. I'm orthodox, we have Syrians within our church. But it's not a massive community. And she was like, it doesn't matter. That is a monastery. These nuns have been taken. We need to do something about this. Because what happened is the entire village was living in the monastery because the village was essentially taken over by terrorists. So these nuns were taking care of the people and that's why they were taken. They were targeted.

0:12:29 - (Wendy El Khoury): So it was a matter of how do we get money over to actually assist the people that don't have anything to. These nuns were the ones taking care of them. And also how do we get these nuns out of trouble, which that part we really had. No, you don't really have much power in that regard. But she organized a fundraiser and she raised, I think it was like $35,000. She invited our church, our community. My mom, like, is 10 times more of a hustler than I am. Like, she will go. I'm like, okay, so what do you got? What are you gonna give me?

0:12:57 - (Wendy El Khoury): We're hosting an event. I need something. Do you have something for the raffle? Do you wanna buy a ticket? Are you going to come? What's going on? This is the situation. And so she had this huge support and she did it year on year. It wasn't just once. To the point where she knew that the monastery was actually in a better position. Now. Someone from my village went to on a pilgrimage and went to this monastery. And there was this massive plaque on the top of the monastery with my mother's name on it, which she didn't even know about.

0:13:21 - (Wendy El Khoury): And I sent this photo. My mom's like, you had to ask me. Like, I didn't even know. And it was so sweet. And these nuns sending these voice messages and so. And my mum's hearing is not the best. So we're playing these voice messages on a microphone so my mum can hear, so then she can respond. And it's Just all of those things. It's like, when there's a will, there's a way. She saw a need, and she was like, well, hey, I need to do something about this.

0:13:45 - (Wendy El Khoury): Even my father, with Goulburn, when he saw that monastery and that church that was in despair, which used to be, once upon a time, a thriving church and a thriving central place for community, because that's what a monastery is, he just thought, I have to restore this. And all of the artifacts and everything that they found under that church is incredible. You know, it's also. We don't have to do everything for money.

0:14:08 - (Wendy El Khoury): I believe that we have to do things that actually give us purpose. And the more successful we are, the more we need to lean into how we can give back. Otherwise, we can get lost into a vortex of more is more and what's actually enough. And where's the finish line in all of this? Like, when's it going to? What's the goal? We can only live in one house at a time. It's great. We want everyone to thrive. We want everyone to be prosperous.

0:14:35 - (Wendy El Khoury): But we also need to lift people up with us through that process. Otherwise, we don't have a community for our children. We don't have a congregation. We don't have anything. What do we do on the weekends? Where do we go? Where do we have a sense of purpose? How do we give back? So it's not just about you. And I feel like our society in Australia, we're very torn because we're told, look after yourself.

0:14:59 - (Wendy El Khoury): I'm told that every day, but that's for obvious reasons. But I also think, yes, you have to look after yourself to be able to look after others. Absolutely. Because if you're no good, what's the point? Right? But at the same time, you also need to uplift others. And that's, I think, why Wedded Wonderland is so successful as well. Just going back to my business is because everything that I've learned, I've taught those around me, and that's why I've presented in 22 countries and why I consult to tourism boards and why I work with venues and the top designers from around the world. Like, we're hosting Preston Bailey next month, who did the Ambani wedding.

0:15:35 - (Wendy El Khoury): So these are the kinds of people and they're learning from me. And I'm like, dude, like what? You know, you guys are doing events for royals and for presidents. But it's because. And I was told, and I have been told, you give away too much information. Hold a few things up your sleeve. It's not you've got to give to get kind of thing. And I'm just not like that. I have an abundance mentality. Yeah.

0:15:56 - (Natalie Moujalli): And that's not what's led to your success. It sounds like what's led to your success is openness, vulnerability, humility. And also what you've outlined is that the importance of leading by example, because we asked you about your parents, you became emotional and you've said, like, basically, they've paved the way. They showed me how to do this. And then you came along and abundantly multiplied it in such a humble way that's borne fruit.

0:16:22 - (Natalie Moujalli): I think that that's really important.

0:16:24 - (Wendy El Khoury): Yeah. I think, you know, we come from a village that. And again, I was saying this the other day. We work with our hands, right? And our parents were able to give us what we have because they literally worked with their hands. Many migrants that came to this country, whether they were skilled or unskilled, ended up in factories, ended up on job sites, ended up in situations where they had to feed their families and put a roof over our heads, and they had to give us all of the essentials. And, you know, you think of Maslow's hierarchy, right?

0:16:54 - (Wendy El Khoury): So we were given the essentials and we were sent to the local school because that was the school that our parents found, and that was great. I did not come from a place where my parents knew all of the options. We were not exposed to so much. I did what I was told, basically. I try to just follow what it is that my parents led by example. But what would be my excuse when I speak English fluently? I mean, my father speaks English and French. He studied in Canada, but.

0:17:25 - (Wendy El Khoury): And my mother speaks English as well, but she was not educated in this country, so she was not afforded anywhere near as many opportunities as I have. So what is my excuse? Like, what am I actually doing here? And culturally, we grew up. I'm 43. I grew up during the whole situation with Lebanese descent, Middle Eastern descent. I went to school in Bankstown. That was not easy. It was very challenging going to school in Bankstown, living in the shire around the Cronulla riots and all of that, and trying to figure out what identity I actually present myself with.

0:18:05 - (Wendy El Khoury): And then traveling to Lebanon and just wanting to sit with my amto and wanting to just pick fruit and chill out in the village and just do what we do. And then coming back and going, why is life so complicated here? It's so simple over there. Like, why did we do this to ourselves? You know, but at the same time, they starved for half their lives. Everything was taken from them. Lebanon is such a volatile, incredible, amazing country.

0:18:28 - (Wendy El Khoury): We're so resilient by nature. But I think you sometimes have to create friction within your own life to push yourself and to understand what you're capable of and to be given that opportunity, you just have to go, well, hold on a second. My life is pretty. You may not think it's great, but we live in a quite safe country. We are afforded education. We have a hospital that if you go to a hospital, you're okay. We've had situations where we've had relatives shop a hospital, we've had to wire money over so they would let them through the door.

0:18:59 - (Wendy El Khoury): You know, like it's. That's a serious situation. So we are so comfortable. And I think if you want to do something and if you want to support your community and you want to give back, you have to understand that not everyone has the same comforts as you. Our challenges are very different. We have issues with anxiety, we have mental illness, we have isolation. We have social media. We can blast anything.

0:19:23 - (Wendy El Khoury): There's WI fi in basements. We have access to whatever it is that we want. And what we need to do is pull back in from that. Right. We need to limit our access. Because if we are in such comfort and we are in such complacency, we don't understand and we cannot relate to how the rest of the world is operating and we can't assist or support either.

0:19:49 - (Debbie Draybi): What I'm hearing from you. Yeah, so many incredible inspirational messages there, Wendy, and a big one that I'm hearing is the importance of honoring that privilege and the opportunities and the things you have access to and honoring your parents experiences and turning that into meaning and purpose. Because, I mean, we know, we've talked a lot in this podcast around our community where people do get lost in that privilege and opportunity and have no purpose and really are not grounded in any way and get absorbed in this material world. But I don't see or hear any of that with you, given you've come from such a luxurious industry.

0:20:29 - (Debbie Draybi): All I hear is meaning, purpose, and this incredible groundedness and I think the beautiful messages that you're giving to our community.

0:20:37 - (Wendy El Khoury): Thank you. I appreciate that. Look, I think when people look at weddings and they see the luxury and the lavish nature of them, these are families, more often than not, who've worked very hard to be able to splurge on their children, celebrate with their community. We see these very grand, especially in our community it's like, whoa. Like, that's insane. And there's a lot of judgment that's passed. But I do think that we come from, again, from villages where my grandmother tells me that she rode on a white horse and the entire village followed and every single person had to be fed.

0:21:11 - (Wendy El Khoury): Whereas our parents, generation, my mum and 20 of her cousins, all wearing the same wedding dress, some of them eloped, some of them just quickly got married in church, and that was it, because it was war. So it's a big deal in our community. And I think that what we need to understand, anything that you do in life, it needs to be your choice. And the issue that I find in our community in particular is so many people think the grass is greener on the other side.

0:21:38 - (Wendy El Khoury): So many people. We are by nature hospitable. We love our big houses, we love our big backyards. That's why, you know, the original Lebanese that lived in Newtown and Redfern and Bondi all moved to Parramatta and Bankstown and Nduril because they wanted to be able to grow their produce in their backyards and they wanted to be able to have big families and all of these things. And we take a lot of pride in our appearance in our homes because we are hospitable people and we are people who like to show up with respect.

0:22:09 - (Wendy El Khoury): My grandfather flew from Lebanon last month, and I put up a video actually, to take it down off my Instagram, because it went viral. And then everyone was crying. Like, I had comments. I had over a thousand comments of people. I don't even know who this man is, but why am I crying on a Tuesday? Because he was in a suit and he's 91 years old and he flew from Lebanon by himself and he was being wheeled down and he's wearing his gravat, you know, he's got his tie on, his blazer on.

0:22:35 - (Wendy El Khoury): That's who we are. So I think if we remember that that's who we are, then it's okay and give yourself permission. But at the same time, if you are becoming so obsessed with the way that people see see you, it's how do you see yourself? What do you want to wake up doing? And at the end of the day, I have a friend of mine, and I said to her, I was. I pushed her, and she listened. Eventually, I said, you need to bring your children to Sunday school.

0:23:03 - (Wendy El Khoury): She said, I'm really busy, you know, my weekends and whatever. And I said, I'll tell you why. When your children are teenagers or go into their 20s, or whatever it is, and they have problems. They're going to go to one of two places. They're going to turn to the world or they're going to turn to the church. And if they don't see this as their home and they see themselves as other, they won't come here.

0:23:25 - (Wendy El Khoury): So if this becomes their home and they become familiar with the smells, the scents, the people, where the kitchen is, where they're making the urban, then they will come. And I said, so now it's just about showing them this is home. Everything else is secondary to that, right? So she was like, you know what? You're right. I don't want that eventually to happen. My kids are great. Now, most of our kids under the age of 10, we have majority say who they're with or what they do or whatever, but as time goes on, it's different.

0:23:55 - (Wendy El Khoury): And I taught Sunday school for seven years for the reason that I had. You know, I'd go out and anyone who's seen me on a dance floor will know I love to dance, love to party, love to go places. But I always knew on a Saturday night that I needed to wake up on Sunday morning. That was my thing, right? So I knew I had to be home at a certain time, et cetera, et cetera. So I held myself accountable. And I think that this is again, something that in our community, we are so lucky.

0:24:21 - (Wendy El Khoury): We have so many churches, we have so many congregations. We've got women who are waking up at 5am to make the zaatar at church, so our kids have something to eat when we get there. There are so many people who are outside of our circles. I had one of my staff members, who's Russian, who's here with her sister, and she said, my sister asked, she's Orthodox, where can we go on Good Friday? I said, you come to my church. Go, hey, you have to come and see how we, you know, our nourish, our 3,000 people, all of that. She was like, what are you, 3,000 people? And I said, yes. And she just couldn't believe. She couldn't fathom that number of people.

0:24:54 - (Wendy El Khoury): So we're so lucky that this is. It's at our fingertips and we need

0:24:58 - (Natalie Moujalli): to use it and we need to engage.

0:24:59 - (Wendy El Khoury): We need to use it, but we need to use it in a way where it's dynamic, we feel connected. It's not just a place we go when Easter or Christmas is on. It's not just a place. Community is so important. Yes, you can go outside, have a chat, see your Cousins. That's a core pillar of community in faith. Right. But also that you have a place to come to where you sit in that during that service, and all of your thoughts will come to you. That's what's meant to happen.

0:25:24 - (Natalie Moujalli): So I think that what I'm hearing is that we are so privileged and we have an overflow of blessings in our community. And there's nothing wrong with overflow. It's a grace. It's a special gift from God. But it's really important not to forget our roots. We need to be grounded in our roots, grounded in our community, grounded in our culture, in our family, in our traditions, to be able to thrive the way that we need to as a community and individually.

0:25:50 - (Wendy El Khoury): Yeah. I think that when you recognize the blessings that come with what it means to be from our region and that we have so much flavor, we have so much life, it can also become overwhelming. People have events every weekend. You know, I have friends of mine who go to a birthday once a year, and I'm like, dude, like, if only sometimes, because it's exhausting. But at the same time, that is such a blessing.

0:26:14 - (Wendy El Khoury): I had a friend of mine call me yesterday. She said, my kids don't want to come to a wedding. They just said to me, mom, just tell them that we're unwell or just put the money in the envelope. Who cares? And she said, how do I tell them that this couple has gone out of their way to invite you to their wedding? Like, how do I get them to understand that? That term that we say, like the wedge bet or the ABE or the. It's like, you've got to feel something. These people are wanting you there.

0:26:39 - (Wendy El Khoury): So our community is also very demanding, you know, And I think this is where with majority of men and women working with children, with school activities with so many layers that again, our parents, like, I remember my father used to take us to Sizzler maybe once every couple of months. And it's coming back people I saw. Yeah. And then after church on a Sunday. Yeah. And then for the bread. You remember that? Oh, the bread was so good.

0:27:06 - (Wendy El Khoury): But that was about it. You know, maybe we'd go to Pizza Hut. Cause they had the buffet wherever there was a buffet. And one of five kids. So, mum, go, you know, go get what you want. We'd all end up with the ice cream with the marshmallows. But that was my mom, majority of the time, ate what she cooked, even what we eat. Like, I'm eating out. Like, I eat out very often. So what we put into our bodies, even genetically, like our makeup, the way that we are meant to eat as Mediterranean people is generally vegetarian food.

0:27:36 - (Wendy El Khoury): We're meant to eat meat maybe once a week. My grandmother's 100. She turned 100 this year. Okay, Saleeb, God bless her. She only eats. What's the color of your T shirt? She eats greens. That's it, right? She knows. She knows everything. You could put 10 different leaves in front of her. She'd be like, that one's for the tea, that one's for the salad. That one's for the fish. That one's for. They know we need to listen to our parents. We need to listen to our grandparents.

0:28:02 - (Wendy El Khoury): We need to understand why they are the way that they are, because they have been lived in environments. You know, I was in Macau last week and in Hong Kong, and I travel a lot, and I think to myself, my goodness, like, you know, when I was in India, I was in the south of India, which is more of the traditional part. I was in Chennai and I looked around and 99% of people were Indian. And I thought, imagine somebody just being plucked out of here from one of these villages and just sent to a Western country and told, go figure it out.

0:28:30 - (Wendy El Khoury): Everything, what you see, what you taste, what you smell, what you say, that Marhaba Hawil in the morning, none of that. All of that is taken away from you. That's a big deal. And so I think we really need to see that count our blessings that we are more familiar with our environment, but also understand that our parents went through a experience.

0:28:52 - (Debbie Draybi): I think that's really powerful, thinking about understanding as migrants, coming from our parents, early experience. Or it could be grandparents. I know some of our listeners are maybe second, third, even fourth generation being able to be curious about their experiences, how they came here, and potentially what their experiences would have been like in comparison to our lives. I think we lose sight of that sometimes, and it's a beautiful reminder.

0:29:16 - (Wendy El Khoury): So definitely.

0:29:18 - (Debbie Draybi): Do you have any guidance or advice around those that are lost and really are disconnected from community and family? What could be their first step, their first reintroduction into that for whatever reason, are quite isolated from those beautiful natural resources and connections that we have in our culture and our community?

0:29:36 - (Wendy El Khoury): I think it can be a bit daunting when you're out. I saw someone at church recently, and I hadn't seen him for a while, and every week I would go and I would see him hovering outside the church, and I thought, he's not going in. You know, just come on just go in. And he just would not go in. So I thought, I can't approach him because he knows me. I'm older than him. I know his family, et cetera. So I grabbed one of the guys and I said, can you just go have a chat?

0:29:59 - (Wendy El Khoury): There's a guy standing on the steps to see if you can get him to go in. And he went over and had a chat with him and said, let's go have communion together. You know, like, let's do it. So I think look around. Don't be so one. Don't be so inward, because there definitely are people around you that all it takes is that little conversation, that little nudge, that little. I see you without any judgment, without any motive.

0:30:23 - (Wendy El Khoury): It's just. I see that you're going through a hard time, and we don't do that enough.

0:30:27 - (Natalie Moujalli): That's the first thing Monsignor spoke recently about how the importance of the invitation. We've lost sight of how much weight. Just a very simple invitation is like, come with.

0:30:38 - (Wendy El Khoury): We're going here. Come here. Yeah. And that is really important. And whenever there's events on within our community, I'll always post it on Facebook. I'll send it on my WhatsApp. And I think I annoy my cousin so much. Joanie will tell me, is this another? And I'm like, dude, like, I want everyone to know, and if you can come, come. But remember, you're always in my mind. So when you see my name, you're probably being told to come somewhere. But I don't care.

0:31:01 - (Wendy El Khoury): I don't care. I'm gonna be that annoying cousin. Because if you have the time, you'll come. And if you don't, you know that I thought about you, and that's okay

0:31:08 - (Natalie Moujalli): if you don't know. Joanie is Wendy's cousin.

0:31:11 - (Wendy El Khoury): Yeah.

0:31:11 - (Debbie Draybi): Yes.

0:31:12 - (Wendy El Khoury): Yes, she is my cousin. She's my beautiful cousin. So I think it's important that if you've lost your way and we've all been there, I, during COVID found it really difficult. My father found it really difficult because my father goes to church religiously. So he was just so lost, and he felt like so many things happened because he didn't have that connection. I had to be the face of the wedding industry. I was pregnant with my fifth child.

0:31:36 - (Wendy El Khoury): I was homeschooling. I was being interviewed by politicians every week. I was saving small businesses. I subsequently, it was so bizarre because I'm like, I've been doing so much philanthropical work and all of these, and then Covid came and then I had to be a spokesperson. I was translating grants for people who didn't understand which grant was available to them. And then eventually was trying to get people in Centrelink to help people and, like, just doing whatever I could with the connections I had. But at that time, I was like, God, please, like, why have you chosen me to do this? I don't. I'm so tired and I can't even lean in on my community.

0:32:14 - (Wendy El Khoury): I can't have. You know, it was a time where we couldn't see each other. It was just so hard. I'd moved suburbs, and even when I had my fifth, I ended up with having a Caesarean. I didn't have my mother with me. Like, all of those things were compounding. And people were saying to me, aren't you tired? And I'm like, I am, but there are people who don't have food. So, like, what do I pick? Right? And I really did start not feel disconnected, but I did kind of go, why am I the way that I am?

0:32:40 - (Wendy El Khoury): I wish that I could ignore. Sometimes I wish that I could just go, you know what, Wendy? That's not your problem. And I think as Lebanese people as well, we often take on more than what we can manage. My advice around that would be do everything that you can and a little bit extra, but always remember that you have a family and everything else, because there's opportunity cost with anything. I had a lot of people coming to me during that time, very confused, very bewildered, not trusting of government. Like, there was so many issues, so many compounding issues, and they were coming to me because I was speaking online just about supporting each other.

0:33:16 - (Wendy El Khoury): And I think giving people the opportunity to have a voice in whatever capacity is really important. I think that if you are feeling lost and you're feeling scared or you're feeling overwhelmed, I mean, the state of the world at the moment, you only need to read the news for half an hour. I'm quite an anxious person. Like, I can't go to sleep. And I just think to myself, my goodness, if I was somebody who wasn't working as much as I was working or had other amazing things happening in my life, could very easily spiral.

0:33:43 - (Wendy El Khoury): So I don't blame anyone for being in whatever position they're in. I think so many people speak about their why and find your why. You know, find out why. Because biblically, we say, your job is to find your gift. Your responsibility is to give it away, right? And I think very early on in life I knew, okay, well, my gift My mom told me. I'm like, okay, my voice is my gift. All right, let's go. Right?

0:34:07 - (Wendy El Khoury): But I think that biblically, that's what we say, right? But at the same time, I think, especially with Gen Z, especially I say with my children, they kind of know what they're good at. They're told at school, you're really great at this, or you should be focusing on that or whatever it is. But then they don't really know how to actually give back. And more often than not, they're really not given the opportunity.

0:34:28 - (Wendy El Khoury): So doing things where you can volunteer, for example, you only need to volunteer in a homeless shelter to get some perspective, right? And you will gain far more than you give. And subsequently, our church has repeated this every year. I thought to myself, you know what? What about these people in aged care facilities that Christmas comes and their families don't visit them? I'm gonna pull together a crew.

0:34:49 - (Wendy El Khoury): I can be the backup dancer. I know a lot of singers. We're gonna go. We're gonna find footage of things. Oh, yeah, we've got footage. I'll share it with you. And one year, I actually took some people from the industry and I took the bearded bakers, and they were dancing like, that's awesome. And then one year, my brother jumped on the piano, and there was a woman on a walker, and she started doing the salsa. I guarantee you, she was 90 years old. There was a man with dementia when he saw us. And I took my children with me, and they were like, where are we? And I was like, we are here to visit all the tetas and Jados, right?

0:35:19 - (Wendy El Khoury): So we walk in, and this man who had dementia sat on the piano and started playing music for us. And it was the most incredible. He was fantastic. His little dog next to him, and everyone that came was crying. And, you know, like, this is so emotional for us. And then every year, they're messaging me. December 1st, it's, are we going back to visit the elderly? So they gain so much out of it. And so if you are somebody who is in a position where you can bring people along, do that.

0:35:47 - (Wendy El Khoury): If you're somebody who is lost or confused and bewildered, there is a community here to support you, join certain groups, whatever is in whatever capacity you can when you use your hands. Culturally, when we use our hands, something triggers in us that is very spiritual because we are givers, and so we feel a sense of purpose. And I think that's also really important. So use your hands however you can and just pay attention to where there May be something that you can do. And if you want to come back to church, the doors are always open.

0:36:22 - (Wendy El Khoury): Find a spiritual father who you connect with. Because I also think that's really important. There isn't just one option anymore. When we were growing up, there was one option, you know, and they were great and they served their purpose. But you've got priests that speak English now. You've got community centers. Our churches have really expanded beyond what you think. And I think that if there's something that's calling you, there's a reason you have to listen. We say that our conscience is God speaking to us. Right. And what we feed our conscience is really important.

0:36:52 - (Wendy El Khoury): So remember what you read and what you see and what you're giving your time to, because that's what's going to be feeding you. That's what you're feeding your soul. Yeah.

0:37:00 - (Debbie Draybi): Just as we're wrapping up, I just had one more curious question around. How do you look after you? I know you get told to look after yourself. You know, what does that mean for you, looking after yourself? And what are some strategies for people out there who are givers like you can be very consuming. And you know that. What are some of the things that you do to build some ways to protect yourself and care for yourself?

0:37:22 - (Wendy El Khoury): Yep. So I try my best. I think prayer is so important. I used to just pray at night, but now I start my day with prayer, which in other parts of the world, people meditate. And it's one and the same. It's just being able to connect with yourself and just say, talk about what the day may look like and what you hope it will look like. Because when you put it out there, we believe that when we put it out there, you know, again, in secular terms, you put it out to the universe, it comes back to you.

0:37:50 - (Wendy El Khoury): We have a higher power. We have God who's listening. Right. So how wonderful is that we have that opportunity. So I think praying in the morning, I try and do. I pray with my kids in the evening. I spend as much time with family as I can. And I really try and prioritize that above anything. And I've learned the art of saying no.

0:38:10 - (Debbie Draybi): Yes.

0:38:11 - (Wendy El Khoury): Right. Tell us more. Yeah. Because I travel so much for work, like last night, I was exhausted. I knew this was happening tonight. I was gonna be away from my children. All of my cousins went to see the devil at West Prada. My cousin's getting married overseas. It was kind of her final hurrah. And I really wanted to go, but that's a nice to have. Right. And I didn't go. I gave my ticket to my niece. And yes, I had fomo. And we're Lebanese, we are the kings of fomo.

0:38:36 - (Wendy El Khoury): Right. We've done an episode. Ask Joni like we are. But I have accepted the fact that I can't be everywhere and I have understood that the less that I'm at home, the more chaos I will come back to. Right. I was away last week for a week for work, so I have to pick and choose. And I think that again, we come from such sacrificial parents and grandparents, you know, we don't say no, but they didn't have so many obligations and so many requests and opportunities.

0:39:06 - (Wendy El Khoury): So you got to prioritize.

0:39:08 - (Debbie Draybi): I always ask the question, if you say yes, what are you saying no to? And being able to consider that.

0:39:13 - (Wendy El Khoury): Exactly.

0:39:14 - (Debbie Draybi): I think that's really important.

0:39:15 - (Wendy El Khoury): Yep. Again, if it's for community, that is my priority and obviously for my family comes first. But everything else is a bonus. And if you see it as a bonus, then it's like, is that going to be my bonus for the week? You don't need 20 bonuses. Right. Not everything can be a bonus. There is real life.

0:39:31 - (Natalie Moujalli): It's like there's a thousand no's for a few precious yeses.

0:39:35 - (Wendy El Khoury): Exactly. So that's something that I've had to learn because I'm a people pleaser. Most Lebanese people are. But we have to say no.

0:39:42 - (Debbie Draybi): Yes, it does exist. It is a word.

0:39:44 - (Wendy El Khoury): She had to sit around a table

0:39:45 - (Natalie Moujalli): with therapists who also have had to learn to be resources, not rescuers, and really rein in that people pleasing and that giving nature and for a greater good, which is not enabling people to rely on you as a rescuer.

0:40:02 - (Wendy El Khoury): Yes.

0:40:02 - (Natalie Moujalli): So because then you're setting yourself on fire to keep other people warm.

0:40:05 - (Wendy El Khoury): The second you feel resentment is the second you must stop. That's it. If you're going to an event, that's your signal. That's my signal. If I'm going somewhere and I'm not going with joy, where I feel like I'm going to walk out with a smile on my face, I am not going. And I think that's the thing is that because you start to resent people, your relatives. Yeah. They've invited me over. Like I said, like, no, it's you.

0:40:30 - (Wendy El Khoury): You have the choice. And people want to see you thriving, they want to see you happy and they want to see you living a life with purpose. So I didn't know you were both therapists. Yeah. All right, well, I'm coming back for a session, ladies. Luckily, we only said that at the end of the podcast.

0:40:46 - (Debbie Draybi): Yeah. Oh, Wendy's been wonderful, honestly.

0:40:48 - (Wendy El Khoury): Thank you.

0:40:49 - (Debbie Draybi): Such an inspiration. This is a beautiful episode.

0:40:51 - (Wendy El Khoury): Yeah, I appreciate it.

0:40:59 - (Debbie Draybi): I hope this episode has helped you find sanctuary in this exciting journey of life. All of the resources we've mentioned in this episode are found in the podcast notes. If you need some assistance with any of the topics discussed in today's episode, then please Visit our website, HSHL.org au if you have any thoughts, comments, or ideas, please leave us a comment on Spotify. Alternatively, send us an email at adminshl.

0:41:31 - (Debbie Draybi): You and your mental health matters to us, and we hope you get one step closer in finding sanctuary. Bye for now.