Celebrating Milestones: Jade El- Choueifati and Finding Balance

About the Guest:

 Jade El-Choueifati is a seasoned Master of Ceremonies who has emceed numerous prominent events throughout Sydney. He is well known for his event management and charisma and specialises in coordinating weddings and celebrations within the Maronite community. His focus on fostering community spirit and emphasising the deeper significance of matrimonial celebrations highlights his dedication to creating memorable and heartfelt experiences. Besides his professional achievements, Jade is deeply rooted in his faith, considering his work a vocation. 

Key Takeaways:

• The Importance of Community: Milestone celebrations like weddings and baptisms offer a unique opportunity for family and friends to come together, enhancing community bonds and contributing to individual happiness.
• Managing Expectations: Navigating the pressures of social media and external opinions is essential in maintaining joy and authenticity during significant events.
• Preparation Beyond the Day: Emphasising the significance of spiritual and emotional preparation over material concerns can establish a more resilient foundation for marriage.
• Dealing with Family Dynamics: Understanding and respecting family roles and expectations while focusing on mutual growth as a couple is crucial in managing the complexities of marital unions.

Notable Quotes:

1. "The grandeur of celebration isn't in the event itself, but in what it represents." - Jade El-Choueifati
2. "Witnessing the joy and community of milestones can be a truly uplifting experience." - Monsignor Shora
3. "I try and make sure that I'm the one that's always at a good level of being relaxed." - Jade El-Choueifati
4. "Sometimes parents need time to let go; recognising this helps build a harmonious future." - Monsignor Shora

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Transcript

0:00:04 - (Natalie Moujalli): Welcome to Finding Sanctuary. Our shared conversations into how we think and feel and how we find peace and comfort in daily life. We get together with experts to chat about all things mental health, getting insights and understanding on the struggles of life. Hello and welcome to the next episode of Finding Sanctuary. This week we'd like to sit and have a chat around the idea of celebrations, of milestones and how it can impact our well being and mental health.

0:00:35 - (Natalie Moujalli): We know that our community loves to celebrate. We'll jump at every opportunity to throw a party. It's one of the best parts of our culture. We bask in the happiness and the joy whenever we have the opportunity to. Christenings, birthdays, baptisms, weddings, Holy communions have always been such a strong part of the DNA of the Maronite community. For myself, I can't wait for the celebrations I've got coming up. We have two weddings on one day and I'm personally panicking cause I really want to celebrate both. So I'm going to have to start managing my diary for the day, my schedule, make sure I get to both because I love both couples so dearly.

0:01:12 - (Natalie Moujalli): But today we thought we'd bring in someone who specialises in the area. Joining me is Monsignor Shorer, but as well as him is Jade El Choueifati who has led, managed and emceed many special occasions. How are you, Monsignor and Jade?

0:01:26 - (Jade El Choueifati): I'm good, I'm very good. It's great to be in your presence. Thank you for having me.

0:01:31 - (Natalie Moujalli): Thank you for coming. Jade, you've hosted many events over your career as a master of ceremony all around Sydney. Why do you think it's important to mark such occasions with a celebration?

0:01:42 - (Jade El Choueifati): I don't want to start with the negative, but I think if you can go back to the times during COVID you probably understand the value of how important celebrations actually were. I think a lot of people actually realise the value of how important it was to be together to celebrate those occasions during that time. Because unfortunately we were not able to be with each other for such a large period of time. Given what was happening with the lockdowns and the limited number of people that were allowed to celebrate together.

0:02:09 - (Jade El Choueifati): I think that period of time really brought to life how important celebrations were, not only just to celebrate the occasion at hand, but the importance of the community coming together, the importance of the way that families join together. Oftentimes because of the way that we're so busy in our lives. That is a period of time where people can come together that haven't Seen each other for a while, they can reunite together and celebrate wonderful occasions.

0:02:34 - (Jade El Choueifati): And I remember after Covid, or even during COVID when the lockdowns were eased, the way that people came back with so much joy and it's almost like the inhibition had been like released and they were so happy and they were dancing like they've never been able to dance before. So I truly understood how important that those functions were during COVID because I miss them myself. And I know how much the couples were longing to have all of their family together and their friends and how much just people generally were just so eager to get back to be able to celebrate together.

0:03:05 - (Natalie Moujalli): Yeah, I think that's a good point. It kind of brings up the point of witnessing, you know, when something is so special to you and it's such a marked occasion to have a witness or to have many witnesses, like experience your joy with you is such a beautiful thing, especially the people that you love. What do you think, Monsignor?

0:03:22 - (Monsignor Shora): Yeah, I like what Jade said there, that we connect through a celebration, connect even closer. And because of the business, sometimes people don't get to spend that much time together and it's joyful. And then, like you said, people are witnessing something wonderful. I remember one of my nieces weddings and you know, for me to see even their friends all together, which I would probably not see as much, but to see their age group of friends, of young, married, young singles all together on the dance floor.

0:03:56 - (Monsignor Shora): And I'm happy to say that it wasn't about alcohol. It was just the joy of the occasion. And just to see that sense of community and that joy and that togetherness to me lifted me. Witnessing that, that lifted me.

0:04:09 - (Jade El Choueifati): I feel like it's a real blessing to be part of a community as well. I had a wonderful wedding about two weeks ago. Now. They're a lovely couple that I know very well from church. And he in particular is very involved in the church. The priests or the monks call on him a lot. The monk that was doing his wedding actually joked to his wife that, you know, if you can't find him, he's probably at church helping us out.

0:04:31 - (Jade El Choueifati): And I remember saying to him during the night because he was so overwhelmed with gratitude. And I said, you know, to be loved and known by your community the way that you are is such a great honor. You know, don't ever change what you're doing, only increase that, especially as you get busier with your family. Make sure you stay in service of your community, because the spirit in that room was phenomenal. It was for me. It's probably one of the best weddings that I've ever been part of, genuinely, because of the spirit in the room.

0:04:58 - (Jade El Choueifati): They could have played any music and I feel like everyone just would have partied from their heart. And it was a natural joy and natural high. It wasn't artificial. They were genuinely there out of love for the couple, their family members, because they'd had quite a. He, particularly his father had passed away when he was a bit younger, and he was very well respected in their community. And a lot of people came out in honor of the father to support the family.

0:05:22 - (Jade El Choueifati): And her family are very close and loving as well. It was such a beautiful occasion. It reminded me a lot, just about the importance of, like you said, that genuine spirit. It's probably as close to maybe the entry we have in heaven if we get there, when it's a natural high and there's natural joy. I feel like that's what everyone should be aspiring to in these occasions, the superficial stuff, each to their own. I'm not going to judge anyone for what they do. They kind of know in terms of the decorations and the money they spend.

0:05:50 - (Jade El Choueifati): But don't ever lose that spirit, I would say, because that's really what makes not just a wedding, but just anything in life, but particularly the celebrations.

0:05:58 - (Natalie Moujalli): I think it's really interesting you say that, because we can get lost in it, can't we? We're so excited to celebrate and the joy is definitely there for the most part. But sometimes we begin to lose the joy when we get caught up in expectations or image or presenting a certain way. It can get lost. We can get lost in it, and it can rob us of joy. Have you seen that happen a little bit?

0:06:21 - (Jade El Choueifati): Yeah, I have. I feel like there's a lot of challenges that people face in planning particular celebrations. And I think a lot of the challenges are very external at times. You know, they're probably facing family challenges. I know, particularly with families that are. Maybe parents aren't together or maybe a father or mother has passed away, for example. That adds a layer of emotion on top of it, you know, I know every girl's dream is for her father to walk her down the aisle. And for whatever reason, sometimes the father isn't there, you know, and that creates a level of sadness, maybe hurt at that particular time.

0:06:55 - (Jade El Choueifati): And then there's also a lot of other challenges. I know social media gets brought up a lot. That's very much, I think, a temptation. And I feel like what that does sometimes is it robs you of joy, not only in events, but in a lot of other areas. I sometimes say it where what you perceive to be a great evening, you know, a wonderful celebration the next week, you open up your social media and you see an even bigger celebration that looks even better than yours, and maybe you start questioning whether yours was good at all.

0:07:21 - (Jade El Choueifati): I have seen it, but I feel like anything in life, it's important to understand that everything like that is a gift and not to put the gift above the actual giver. You know, I feel like the couples that have had the greatest celebrations, the grandeur of it isn't the celebration in and of itself. It's what it represents. And I know that the couples that have had the greatest celebrations are those that have. Obviously, they've put time into planning, and there has been challenges and stresses, but. But really at the forefront of it, it's the marriage.

0:07:52 - (Jade El Choueifati): And preparing for the marriage has been the most important factor of it. And I find that those couples probably are able to handle the stresses of the wedding journey a little bit better.

0:08:05 - (Natalie Moujalli): Yeah, I mean, when we were speaking earlier, you said something along the lines of making sure we put the right amount of emphasis on the purpose of the event rather than the actual event itself. And that really rang true to me. What do you think about that?

0:08:19 - (Monsignor Shora): Yeah, I think having celebrated a lot of weddings, baptisms, and occasions where you see Holy Communions and you see people overly focused on some of the externals, rather than what the purpose of the event and the hope for it going forward, it really disappoints me. And I actually see them missing. They're not in the moment. They're worried about something, you know, so sometimes brides are obsessively worried about their dress, you know, and they're sitting in the church and they wonder, and then everyone's fussing about their dress while we started the liturgy or something's gone a bit wrong on their way to getting to the church. You just see all this distress on her face.

0:09:00 - (Monsignor Shora): I see on the other side, a bride where it's a lot more simpler and this. And they're fussing. Don't worry about that. That way, it's all right. Come. And it's all about the relationship. You know, she's focused on the right thing and he's focused on the right thing. It's amaz from them. When the couple are focused on the right thing with the support of their bridal party, it just flows out. I've just found that it just flows out.

0:09:22 - (Jade El Choueifati): I completely agree with you, Monsignor. That's completely agree with you. If anyone's ever asked me, what's the recipe? Just have a good spirit and everything. Because things do happen. Sometimes things do happen on the day. If you've got that attitude of, I suppose, surrender. I just surrender it. Whatever happens, we can work out a solution. Oftentimes, like you said, I feel like it resonates with all of the guests, you know, it really does.

0:09:47 - (Monsignor Shora): I say to them like the week before we've done the practice, I say to now, look, some things are gonna go wrong on the day. Something's gonna run late. If you. So if you two say, oh, all right, what can we do to fix it up? If you do not say one negative word about, oh, why, if that's your attitude all through the day and it's gonna be all right, it's gonna be a good day, what can we do to fix it up?

0:10:06 - (Monsignor Shora): That will flow out to everyone in the family. But if you're upset, you get stressed. That stress is gonna to go out.

0:10:13 - (Natalie Moujalli): Yeah. So having like a problem solving nature.

0:10:16 - (Jade El Choueifati): Yes. If I can give an example of what happened to me about two weeks ago. So I offer a full day management service as well. And part of that is I go to generally the bride's house from the morning to make sure that things run on time. She gets to church on time and if there's anything that does go wrong, there's somebody there almost like that has their back to fix it so they can focus on what they need to the caterer at the bride and the groom's house, there was an issue. They didn't come right. Imagine the catering not coming. A Lebanese home, there's no food for the guests.

0:10:45 - (Jade El Choueifati): Potential shame in front of the people. You haven't given us food, honestly. After we realised the caterer wouldn't be able to make it, her side of the family went into action mode. And it was beautiful to see. Her cousin started telling people, you go get this. You call the lady that we know that does the catering things, tell her we need it in an hour. She just directed a few of the family members, they all went out, they sorted it out, they came back within an hour.

0:11:12 - (Jade El Choueifati): They had a full table spread ready to go and the guests were so respectful and understanding of it. When the table was ready, they came in. The bride was busy doing her photos. She knew it was happening but knew that it was being taken care of. And the same thing with the groom's house. They went and they sorted out their food and they worked it all out if you had probably mentioned it a week before that this was going to happen with all the stress that was going on, oh my goodness, what are we going to do? The people, blah, blah. And I said to the brother in law, because it was at their house, they were getting married. I said, you, you and your family should be very commended for the way that you handled that.

0:11:44 - (Jade El Choueifati): Because other people might have not been able to handle something maybe even a little bit smaller than that. I just love the way that you coordinated together and just made it work. They went into solution mode and they just sorted it out and they can deal with what happened with the caterer after. But on the day they just sorted it out and I was so happy to see that. I said to the bride, okay, that's such a great attitude to have in life, you know.

0:12:07 - (Natalie Moujalli): So, yeah, I think that's amazing. Hearing that myself has made my chest tight like as a bride of almost 18 years ago, I'm thinking to myself, oh my gosh, how the bride would have felt. But to hear her manage it like that is better than something that I think even I would have been capable of. Because it feels massive on the day. It feels like every little detail has the weight of the world on it. And I got married in a time where social media hadn't taken off yet.

0:12:35 - (Natalie Moujalli): There wasn't actually as much pressure as there is now. Cause I do believe social media plays a very big part in it. I think I would have had a meltdown because I had put so much planning into making sure everything ran perfectly. So hats off to that bride.

0:12:51 - (Jade El Choueifati): I think perspective is really important too as well. I think it's really important and social media does play a role. But I feel like when we mature, we have to start taking responsibility as well for what we allow to come into our lives and the things that we view. I mean, from a faith perspective, I've heard it said before, you have to take custody over your eyes to monitor. But maybe there's things that trigger you where you see things that maybe you aren't able to afford.

0:13:18 - (Jade El Choueifati): And you know that that brings a feeling to you where it's like, oh, I feel depressed or I feel sad because I'm never going to have a wedding like that person or I'm never going to be able to do that. But I think having custody over your eyes or maybe limiting your social media or distancing yourself from it so that you can have that perspective about, hang on a minute, what's best for myself and my husband or wife, what's going to be the best thing for us because in the end, really, that's the most important thing after the wedding. Right. I've always said I would never want to wake up the next morning on an anticlimax and be like, oh, is that the biggest moment we're ever going to have?

0:13:52 - (Jade El Choueifati): God willing, that's the least happy you're going to be because the rest of your life is even greater than that one evening.

0:13:59 - (Natalie Moujalli): Yeah. So it's about perspective and it's also about managing expectations. Even in your role, Jade, you have to manage expectations because you're kind of at the helm of how that day goes and how you manage any issues that come up. How do you manage that?

0:14:14 - (Jade El Choueifati): Well, I mean, for me, look, I mean, faith is very important to me. And I always go back to the fact that I believe that this is a vocation. I feel like I was called to this by God. I know that might sound weird to some people. It is a job for me. I get paid for it. But I feel like I could have been doing a million other jobs. But I feel like God actually called me to this role at this particular time in my life. I know Monsignor referred me to my first ever function. We were talking about that before he did so it was because of him. And even that the way that worked out. I was working in the corporate world at the time. I wasn't very happy for a long time in the corporate world.

0:14:49 - (Jade El Choueifati): And at the time I was doing a project and I needed a side kind of side hustle, as they call it. And Monsignor referred me to a function. And then six months later, I set up an ABN with a mate of mine as a lawyer. And then I started emceeing weddings. And that was about eight years ago. So I definitely know that God was using Monsignor Shore to call me at the time to do what he did. But I firstly see it as a vocation. So that makes it a bit lighter for me because I know that I try my absolute best to do the best that I possibly can because I just try and stay relaxed and I try and make sure that I'm the one that is always at a good level of being relaxed. It's not relaxed in the sense that I don't care, but making sure that I'm the kind of middle ground between everyone because especially when I do full day weddings, I'm at people's houses. I had one the other week.

0:15:34 - (Jade El Choueifati): He was from Sharir, she was from Dar Al Ahmad, and they're massive families. They had almost 100 people at their house and then another 50 or 60 from the groom's family come to the house. And it was a bit of a smaller lounge room and it was a hot day and I could see the bride was starting to get a bit flustered because it was hot. She hadn't eaten a lot, so I had to make sure she got a drink and make sure all the family photos ran very smoothly.

0:15:58 - (Jade El Choueifati): So a, we weren't late for the church because the bishop was doing the mass, so we didn't want to be late. And also that I didn't want to keep her in the lounge room too long because it was going to be very hot. So I had to be that middle ground, very relaxed but firm and in the lead, basically taking the lead because a lot of the families don't really know what to do. They're kind of there looking for some kind of direction. So I need to be that person.

0:16:20 - (Monsignor Shora): I never thought about that. The MC to home as well.

0:16:23 - (Natalie Moujalli): Yeah.

0:16:23 - (Jade El Choueifati): Yeah. So I don't really emcee it, but part of the role as an emcee is to run the night. That's actually the biggest part of my role, is to run the night, make sure it runs smoothly. All the supplies rely on me. And so I started doing that during the day. And a lot of, particularly the Arab couples, because of the fact that the groom's family comes to the house and it's almost like a pre party before the actual reception. So. So. But yeah, I know what I'm doing. I have the plan and generally I have the trust of the couples. That helps me a lot. I know that they rely on me. They also trust me and I love to feel trusted. That's really important to me. And so I never want to let them down.

0:16:54 - (Natalie Moujalli): Well, you are trusted and highly respected in the community, Jade, and you said earlier something about staying in service to the community and that is what you do.

0:17:04 - (Jade El Choueifati): Thank you.

0:17:04 - (Natalie Moujalli): Across the board, you were a part of the Friends of Friends project that we've referred to in the podcast before, many years ago as a mentor. So you had a passion in helping in mental health many years ago, and that's how we know each other. So you do stay in service in the community and we're very thankful for that.

0:17:21 - (Monsignor Shora): Jay, just wondering, what do you see? Because I see couples, they're coming to the church, but what do you see that's maybe happening in the day, the weeks that's putting unnecessary stress on them and impacting on them in the arranging of the wedding or in the buildup of the wedding.

0:17:37 - (Jade El Choueifati): It's funny, I was talking to some good friends of mine who was speaking to a marriage counsellor who's one of the clergy actually, and he was suggesting that one of the biggest reasons that couples are separating is because of the influence of the in laws on the children. I'd probably offer that up as a big challenge before the actual wedding. I meet with them before the wedding and oftentimes if I feel like there is a lot of extra pressure upon the couples and if they are willing to share that oftentimes it can be the pressure that's coming from outside between the bride and groom. So it's not directly the bride and groom per se, it's the outside influences that sometimes impact. And it can be in laws, it can be family challenges, as in wider family issues.

0:18:20 - (Jade El Choueifati): I think that's a big challenge. And I feel like when you're dating, it's a natural part of the evolution and you should enjoy it. But I often feel like the dating process, I often say it's very cute. You go out on dates, you drop her to a home, you're doing really fun things. And I don't know how in depth couples are having those really important, deep conversations that they need to have. And then as soon as you get engaged, it's almost like it goes on a new level of seriousness.

0:18:50 - (Jade El Choueifati): And I tell the couples to try and enjoy the seriousness of it because it's like a practice run for your marriage because you start to involve the in laws and there's finances coming up. You might be a conservative spender, he might be somebody that loves to spend, or he might come from a family with a lot of money and you're from a family that may be not as much money. And so your values are going to be very different.

0:19:14 - (Jade El Choueifati): How do you compromise who makes the final decision? How do you decide on those kind of things? So whatever challenges come, be it in laws or if it's finances or whatever it is, I feel like it's a great practice run for how they're going to handle things in their marriage. Maybe that's a time where if there are outside forces, like maybe the in laws or whoever it is, and I'm not saying it to bag in laws in any way, I'm just saying what I've observed at times that needs to be handled in the right way. As you know, as a priest on the forefront, and I know how much you've done work with couples counseling people and helping couples and helping individuals facing those kind of challenges.

0:19:54 - (Jade El Choueifati): I'm sure you would agree that there needs to be a level of respect given to the parents, but also an understanding that a man will leave his mother and father and join to his wife and the two shall become one. So what does that new life look like? How are you going to make the decisions together? And I feel like once the couples are on that same page together and they find a way to compromise, still respect their parents, not to completely disregard them, but still to find a way to respect their opinions of the parents, but find a way also to find a happy medium, then it probably solves a lot of the issues that the couples are having. But I know that that's one particular barrier or one particular challenge that a lot of couples seem to be having. Yeah.

0:20:34 - (Natalie Moujalli): Do you see that as a barrier, Monsignor? Has that come up for you?

0:20:37 - (Monsignor Shora): Yeah, because even within our one community, like our Marini community, there's sort of smaller differences in culture. You know, as you said, like little subcultures. Yeah. There's like even little cultures. Subcultures underneath. And some cultures, we all follow what the whole family wants or everyone. The whole family's involved in the decision and got a another family know it's the individual. Whatever you like. Whatever you like. And so when someone who's been used to a little bit more of a freedom or individually deciding a bit what you want and then you got the other decide they're all. Yeah. How they handle that. So letting people know, it's natural, it's normal. And then how do you work with it? Not just get angry at it.

0:21:17 - (Monsignor Shora): All right, how do I understand? And then how can we work with it? And then also things with the in laws where I've had to get involved is always show the respect. Keep them in the loop. Yeah. And at first they might not like what, you know, keeping. What do you think? Or. But we would really like this. We know what you're. Give them time. So sometimes parents got their hopes on something and they want something. So when you suddenly say no, how you break it slowly. How do you have an ongoing conversation and take on the advice, show respect. Oh, yeah, I can see what you're saying.

0:21:48 - (Monsignor Shora): Just to give it a bit of time.

0:21:50 - (Jade El Choueifati): I feel like oftentimes they just want to be heard out of respect. To say that I still have an opinion in your life, not that I'm forcing you to do that, but I still have a place in your life. You are getting married and we're happy for you, but don't forget I'm still your mom and dad. We still. We've loved you from the day you were born. We'll never stop loving you. We don't want to lose that communication or that ability to give you an opinion, even if you say no. I know for my parents, that's a really big thing for them.

0:22:15 - (Jade El Choueifati): You know, they want to give an opinion, they don't force it on me, but they always want me to at least give them the opportunity to hear that as you mature more and more. And it can be very challenging because for a lot of us, we want our parents to approve of us. We want that affirmation from our parents all the time. So it can be very challenging. But I think part of that maturing journey, like you said, just keeping the respect always, never losing that respect, never allowing the other people to disrespect your parents or vice versa.

0:22:43 - (Jade El Choueifati): It's funny that I would say something like that, because it's probably not what the answer that a lot of people might think in terms of things like spending too much money on decorations or having a wedding that's out of your budget. But oftentimes it's the stuff around it that has an impact on those other things, like, how much are we spending? We spent too much. Maybe we've pushed the budget a little bit. Oftentimes it can be those outside influences that push that onto the children.

0:23:08 - (Jade El Choueifati): You know, like, oh, we've got to have a big wedding, because, you know, we don't want the people to talk or.

0:23:13 - (Natalie Moujalli): Or we don't want to have a big wedding. We want to have a humble wedding. And I think you're right. It's really important to continue to hold value in the space of the parents, because actually, they're grieving the loss of their child. They're not losing their child. Their child's getting married. But there's a change in the relationship, and you have to be so careful as to how you massage the information and how you deliver and how you acknowledge so that they still feel valued and loved and heard that they know that they're going to continue to have a very important place in your life.

0:23:48 - (Monsignor Shora): That's very true. Sometimes the couple might not understand that. I had four sisters get married, and it wasn't till the third sister that I realized what my dad was going through. Yeah, he was stressing over these things. I'm thinking why. And when they come around the fourth daughter, my fourth sister, I know he doesn't want to let it go. It's that change and maybe I can.

0:24:09 - (Natalie Moujalli): Say that now as a parent, even though my children are on the younger end, I already start thinking about, how am I going to do this? How am I going to let them go? How is someone else going to love my child the way that I love my child? You know, so I'm already starting to grieve.

0:24:23 - (Monsignor Shora): And that's. Sometimes I see a lot where they don't know that, but sometimes. So now I often do my wedding practice a week before and I say, is there anything, you know, everything going all right, look? And sometimes I'm. Oh, there's a bit. I said, all right, tell me. And I just try and help them through so they don't let it carry through the day and try and see what they can fix up in that week, you know.

0:24:45 - (Natalie Moujalli): Monsignor, can I ask you a question? What do you think about the preparation we, you know, as a community provide to the young couple getting married in terms of the theological calling to get married? Jade, you and I spoke once about. You blew my mind when you talked about the meaning of compatibility. I thought compatibility meant we work well together, but Jade was saying something along the lines of.

0:25:11 - (Jade El Choueifati): Jade, the word compatibility in Latin comes from the phrase along the lines of to be able to suffer with somebody else.

0:25:19 - (Natalie Moujalli): To suffer.

0:25:20 - (Jade El Choueifati): Well, to suffer, yeah. And not to suffer because of, but to suffer with.

0:25:25 - (Monsignor Shora): Together. Yeah, yeah.

0:25:26 - (Natalie Moujalli): Do you feel like, you know, we prepare young couples to understand that they're going to face suffering and trials and how to learn how to do that together as a team, as a united front?

0:25:36 - (Monsignor Shora): Look, I was involved in our preparation program quite a number of years ago. Not so much over the last five years, and I did, in the section that I presented, I used to try to bring those things out, and I think it does. But look, sometimes people are not. To me, what worries me a lot about people in preparing for their marriage is where it's become all about the day and the externals. I do see that. And where there is a lot of financial or a lot spent on different things.

0:26:06 - (Monsignor Shora): And then I've been to receptions, I don't often get to receptions where there's hardly a serious word in all the speeches about what the future of their life. You know, we wish you the world, da da, da, da, da. But it's sometimes humour or not really good humour. And yet where I have been to ones where it is focused on relationship with a couple, and it's not so much of this external, you know, having this huge amount of entertainment, and it's the couple, because of the way the couple are. And you can see the relationship.

0:26:36 - (Monsignor Shora): It's that atmosphere that from them is coming out. If couples can be led to know that, that is what's so important. We say in our faith, when two or three gather in my name, there am I. So if a couple, they're coming before the altar, they're coming to be one in a life of joy and for family and helping others to connect and celebrate and build up the spirit of extended family community. When they know that's they're being crowned for that on that day, that has an incredible power, you know, and said people worry about, oh, this. And then, sorry to get on it. Beep cars and burnouts, but we won't go there.

0:27:09 - (Jade El Choueifati): It's a whole nother podcast.

0:27:11 - (Monsignor Shora): So that's. That's to me, the ones that. And it's because of what they're focused on the day and they're talking about their liturgy, their faith, their relationship. They're doing something to want to really make their life work together. You can see that spirit overflow.

0:27:24 - (Natalie Moujalli): So they're looking at longevity.

0:27:26 - (Jade El Choueifati): Yeah.

0:27:27 - (Monsignor Shora): And they're setting themselves up to be in the best mental space, the best spiritual space, to have a blessed day and a blessed life.

0:27:34 - (Natalie Moujalli): And to be honest, one way or another, the work is going to get done. So whether or not it's done before you get married and in through formation, or whether or not it's going to get done after marriage, maybe in a much harder way, the work's going to get done.

0:27:50 - (Monsignor Shora): Well, it needs to get done.

0:27:51 - (Natalie Moujalli): It needs to get done.

0:27:52 - (Monsignor Shora): You're going to need it.

0:27:54 - (Natalie Moujalli): Yeah.

0:27:54 - (Jade El Choueifati): And with due respect, we probably have the highest divorce rates that we've ever had, ever, in recorded history, and yet there's so much of a reliance or over amplification of the wedding day. But yet those figures are staggering, aren't they? We're placing so much emphasis on the day. What about the next day?

0:28:14 - (Natalie Moujalli): And could I have been more honest about how I feel or what my expectations are? Could I have been more vulnerable and open? You know, I feel like we could do a whole nother episode on this, but we need to wrap it up. And I just want to thank you so much, Jade, for coming in and talking to us from your wealth of experience. Can I ask if you could give our listeners kind of a takeaway, what would that be?

0:28:37 - (Jade El Choueifati): We need to turn our back on the world and the things that advertise to us as making us happy and really turn towards Christ and putting him at the center of our marriages, our life and our relationships. And I know from my own personal experience whenever I've done that, God's always given me what I needed. Not necessarily what I wanted, but what I needed. That would be my biggest advice to every couple or anyone in the celebration. Always put Christ at the center of it and it will put probably put a different spin on any celebration that you have together. That's beautiful.

0:29:11 - (Natalie Moujalli): Thanks.

0:29:12 - (Jade El Choueifati): Thank you for having me. I'm not a moral authority on marriage in any way.

0:29:15 - (Natalie Moujalli): Thank you. None of us are actually. Maybe Monsignor Mona, do you have any takeaways?

0:29:20 - (Monsignor Shora): No, I think that is the best takeaway.

0:29:23 - (Natalie Moujalli): Thank you for joining us.

0:29:24 - (Jade El Choueifati): Thank you so much for having me.

0:29:35 - (Natalie Moujalli): I hope this episode has helped you find sanctuary in this exciting journey of life. All of the resources we've mentioned in this episode are found in the podcast Notes. If you need some assistance with any of the topics discussed in today's episode, then please Visit our website, HSHL.org au if you have any thoughts, comments or ideas, please leave us a comment on Spotify. Alternatively, send us an email@adminshl.org au you and your mental health matters to us and we hope you get one step closer in finding sanctuary.

0:30:14 - (Natalie Moujalli): Bye for now.